Then he argues that point, completely ignoring what you really said. Once you cease to discuss the single issue at play, it is easy to move into an argument about who is always right and who is always wrong. "We have a … If you didn't let the kids make such big messes and allow everything to get so chaotic you wouldn't be so tired of cleaning up." Every conversation I start with my husband turns into an argument? My husband has become angry and we argue about everything I enjoy his company generally, but now even a simple question turns into a fight. I just don't know what to do about this. I worry there is something underlying it If you husband attempts to introduce unrelated complaints or arguments, calmly say, “That's another argument and we should talk about it another time. It’s an all-too-common trajectory for married couples: Fall in love, begin your lives together, then proceed to get comfortable and take everything for granted. He is always on the defense, what can I do when it comes to talking about important issues. So proving how “right” you are and how “wrong” they are isn’t a worthwhile pursuit. It seems like I am only creating more of a problem trying to discuss my feeling withs him. As a result, an argument about the smallest of issues can escalate quickly and fiercely. Occasionally getting into an argument with your partner is inevitable, but this hardly means that practical solutions aren’t near at hand. We need to stick to what's happening right now.” Plus, if you’re more focused on building your case than you are on understanding your partner’s point of view, you’re not going to get very far. Adam responds with, "That's not true, I do plenty. Of course you are not to blame for your husband's or wife’s problems. Don't blame me because you're tired. 8. The last thing you need is to get into a big argument. When I try and speak to my husband about anything I am unhappy about in our relationship he turns it around on me and tells me it's something about me that's the problem. Don't be distracted into looking for the problem within yourself. Talk … If your partner starts involving outside people into your fights, it's a possibility that they're not being completely transparent about their feelings.. Just yesterday I washed the cars. Does your spouse blame you for everything? I wanna have an adult conversation without all the turmoil. But the quickest way to turn a healthy debate into an unhealthy debacle is to have it with someone who will twist your words around until they mean something else. See this for what it is--a defensive reaction to shift attention away from your partner's problems. Adam shifts Beth into believing she is looking at the situation incorrectly. I don't understand and usually end up upset and depressed. Even in the heat of an argument, try to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. Put the plan into action: Rosie Behr, 53, of Baltimore, used this technique to tackle her ongoing argument with her husband about how he gives her directions when she's driving. San Francisco-based marriage therapist Susan Pease Gadoua sees couples complain about this problem all the time.